Funny Car One Liners

Funny Car One Liners

 

 

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Funny Car One Liners


My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.


Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.


My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.


Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.


Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.


Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.


I work to buy a car to go to work.


What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood? The Blacks get car insurance.


What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.


I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.


Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!


Don't drink while driving – you will spill the beer.


Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.


If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.


Don't drink and drive, might hit a bump and spill it.


Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car.


Don't worry guys, my wife just turned the car radio down so we shouldn't be lost much longer.

 

See more:  Silly kid jokes

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