Really Funny Jokes That Make You Laugh Out Loud

 

Really Funny Jokes That Make You Laugh

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Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.


What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.


How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?


I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.


Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.


If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.


A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.


I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.


If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.


Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?


Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.


Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?


I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.


Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.


You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.


When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.


When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".


That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".


I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

 

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